Tuesday, November 22, 2011

MoV-Log Breaking Dawn & Imortals

Why do I even see movies in the fall?

68 comments:

  1. yay first comment :D

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  2. Awesome shirt Lani!Go go Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers!

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    1. Got that same shirt on right now haha cool

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  3. Haha the first few seconds of your video says it all!

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  4. I think 30 minutes of you screaming and swearing would work to convey your thoughts about this series.

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  5. I think you need to realize the twilight series is cinematic dumpster fodder. its meant for 14 year old girls and brain dead retards. forget letting it proses in your head that's what leads to tumors. Here is what you do, get a HUGE bottle of Bacardi 151 and drink yourself into and
    pretend you'd never seen it. that's the best thing you can do

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  6. so Edward has to get married before he can have sex, wonder why he hasn't got laid one thousand years.

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  7. I've seen Kristen Stewart in another movie she did when she was like 10 or something. She had the exact SAME face...

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  8. Lanipator I fucking love you man xD

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  9. Dear Lani
    I love you in YYHA, and I love in teamfourstar.
    But I'm here to defend the actors. When the first twilight book came out I was in the 8th grade, I read it and loved it thinking it was just like a shoujo manga. I read all til the 4th. I started on the 4th but stopped. Threw it at the wall in the fact that it was just...too much..
    But with reading the book I noticed how Stephenie Meyer writes. Now that I'm taking classes about creative writing I notice..it's pure shit. The writing in that book is the same level of writing that of a 5th grader. And also. The characters have NO emotion and NO character.
    So what I'm getting here is how do you act, to a character that is so cliche and emotionless? The actors are shouldn't be hated for this movie, it should be the characters. Kristen Steward isn't as bad as you would think. She did a great job in the runaways. She was also in something else. Anyway! I hope this proves that they don't suck all that much...but Taylor Lautner just can't act...
    Your fan, Alaina

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  10. I love how we were both eating popcorn during this :D

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  11. How can you say "same face" and not make a reference to Zoolander? Come on.

    I think your inability to remember their names is just you trying to repress the memories.

    I never even saw a commercial for Immortals. Someone dropped the marketing ball there.

    Knowing about Zeus, you could say anyone is his kid and have a 90% chance of being right, but apparently he is the son of Poseidon.

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  12. does any one have a problem with the ampire baby since vampire are sapose t obe starel and unale to have children and also when a vampire changes a human that is their child since they consider that a new bore vampire

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  13. They should get in contact with Goku and Vegeta, they don't seem to kill their wives during sex.

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  14. I didn't know Taylor Lautner sounded like Aquaman. Come on guys, we can use wolves! Wooooooooooolves!!!

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  15. Lani when you were talking about the you may kiss the bride scene when you did your immitation of make out mode you made some soda i was drinking go up my nose lol ... and it still hurts

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  16. I'm somewhat amazed that you talked about Immortals and didn't mention the horrendous costuming.

    Seriously, between the lampshades the priestesses wore, the silly leather straps the thief wore, Mickey Rourke's sparkly mask, and the helmets that the Olympians had, I was wondering if the costuming was done by Liberace or something.

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  17. Taylor Lautner as Aquaman would be /awesome/. Though, I did hear it too. XD

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  18. I'm going to say this as easily as I can so every human being on the planet can under stand it.

    TWILIGHT... SUCKS.

    There.

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  19. Well I could have told you that. Like you said, she's had the same face every time. She was a perfect choice for Bella. Bella was written (not only as Meyer's[who is a Mormon if that makes difference to you] self-insert) but as a so blank so that girls could read it and insert themselves (not kidding, Meyer said that).

    There is nothing right about this movie. Even Twi-tards hated it (or so I hear).

    Okay, I really did try to read the first book and it took me like... an hour to read 10 pages. And The first movie put me asleep about way through. So that says something...

    And this shit is better than Harry Potter? Bitches please.

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  20. ...iiif bitch Cullen doesn't have blood, means he can't have an erection ?? ;D

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  21. CATHULU... not really.

    Trying to find a good movie is like Sisyphus. You'll never win.

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  22. Do you need a hug? You look like you could seriously use one.

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  23. No words for the first 30 seconds. I laughed.

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  24. u do know it was made by the people as 300? xD but the thing is i love you and tfs making an abridged seriese myself :D

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  25. Lani, you should make a short parody about Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1.

    P.s
    Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1 should be renamed to Twilight: Knocked Up part 1.

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  26. lol end of series blade destroys them..know id watch that

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  27. Yes I do know Imortals was produced by the same producers as 300 but thats not the same thing as being made by the same guys >.> Imortals was directed by Tarsem Singh (The Cell) Not by Zack Snyder.

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  28. You keep forgetting there's two m's in "Immortals". Spelling it "Imortal" makes it sound like some sort of Olympian Apple product XD

    Seriously though, great impromptu rant. Love your voice (nohomo).

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  29. lol I love spoony's better but you provide a sober hatred of this movie XD
    and kudos to spotting the "messages"
    @akai there's a better solution than alcohol (or lack of a brain to realize what a literary atrocity Twilight is) is simply..not seeing it XD
    one last thing: mustache dad FTW

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  30. i believe this conveys ur Kristen Stewart point :P

    http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=the+many+emotions+of+kristen+stewart&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&tbnid=3ixvjLUYy6DOGM%3A&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.yourfridayafternoondistraction.com%2F2011%2F05%2Fwatch-out-work-speaking-of-work-its-new.html&docid=EsNLY7onTrmsPM&imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpppre.s3.amazonaws.com%2F3e2e32ff6fcc6600%2Fb%2F39310ed4adb847e38019ef001a178c23.jpg&w=272&h=500&ei=hnnGTtW1MceW8gP2z5Rh&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=380&sig=108421583234179512702&page=2&tbnh=146&tbnw=79&start=22&ndsp=24&ved=1t%3A429%2Cr%3A4%2Cs%3A22&tx=30&ty=76

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  31. I like the Power Rangers shirt, and the Original ones too.

    I have to say though, you are incorrect on Kristen Stuarts lack of showing emotion. She does do it once during the second one, but instead of a subtle emotion just goes for broke and screams and kicks and bitches and moans, all while freaking out the father character.

    I watched the first film when it came out, oblivious to the books they were based off of, thinking that is was just a movie about Vampires.

    Didn't know they would sparkle and shimmer in sunlight with its own sound effect to it. Didn't know it was essentially 90210 with Vampires. Then I watch 20 mins of the second off Starz then stopped after her bitch fest......my point is, I understand why you and so many others do not like these films for the very reason you gave.

    Speaking of Rift Tracks, that would be a cool thing for you to do if you are able, to Rift Track a bad movie like MST3K and post it....I'm sure your slate is pretty full right now with various projects and work and who knows what else, but I thought I'd throw it out there for a suggestion.

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  32. by the gods man why did you even go to that movie?

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  33. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhnN54tHjkI&feature=related

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  34. And once again I am vindicated in my decision to avoid the Twilight series like the plague. I seriously have not watched a single one of the movies. Go me.

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  35. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4uuGvmAxTI this explains EVERYTHING

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  36. About Kristen Stewart...
    The only other role I saw her in besides this was Zathura (which is a great movie by the way that I would suggest you try out if you haven't already). She was good in that movie, at least in my opinion. In fact, she seemed like she was the exact opposite of Bella.

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  37. I'm pretty sure they made Scott Pilgrim into a movie knowing it would flop hard (someone mentioned it in a review), but did it anyway because they knew it would also be so awesome and gain a cult following.

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  38. first, i love the power rangers shirt.
    second, i have never seen a man eat popcorn and look so good doing it.
    third, please have some more reviews coming our way. i loved this one, it made me laugh and i actually kind of want to see breaking dawn just to see the scenes you described that made you laugh.

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  39. You-poor-bas-tard! *clap, clap, clap-clap-clap! XD I thought Immortals was an o.k. movie for what it was. I agree with your gripes because it made sense but if you don't have any expectations then it's easier to digest. Yes it could have been better but too many botches can't save a match :/

    *sorry for the double post.

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  40. I applaud such a noble review, even alchemy can't turn that "shit" into "gold". Loved the commentary about the sex scene, I haven't seen the movie, but I can tell you cracked me up more than that movie ever could.

    Lastly, I'm curious if you're curious of the new Godzilla movie by legendary. ARE YOU?

    I for one have a lot of expectations, since they believe they can "redo" the 'Americanized' previous mistake. So, hope to hear back from ya, and can't wait for more Let's plays and Movie Reviews. THIS SHOULD BE ON YOUTUBE.
    Just saiyan..

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  41. The funniest thing is
    I REACTED EXACTLY THE SAME hahaha XD
    so hilarious

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  42. It's also worth mentioning, but whassisface that plays Edward "Too Sparkly for my Shirt" Cullen was also Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movie about the book that had Cedric Diggory in it that I can't be arsed to find, and if my memory serves, he did a decent job in that.

    I can't blame the actors; they're making skads of money from almost no effort. Who wouldn't want a deal like that?

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  43. I share your pain on the success of the Twilight movies. I mean, I can concede that some people want to have someone powerful and strong to take care of them for the rest of their life, and they shall have no duties or job except to love and be loved in return. That's just not a healthy thing to want, really. Or a healthy situation to be in. Still, looking forward to see if they go through with Sparkles giving Blandella a c-section.

    With his teeth.

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  44. As far as the right-wing thing goes, I hear that's pretty common in vampire movies. Or at least, so cracked.com tells me <_<

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  45. FINALLY an honest opinion about Immortals!!!!

    I went to see a special preview of it with the HIGHEST expectations since 300 is one of my favorite movies and I wasn't just let down, I was kinda thrown to the ground in shock and disgust at the horrible costuming, plot, and what seemed to me "tacked on" scenes for the guys out there.... (virgin oracle butt taking up half the screen) but what most pissed me off is that the movie led me no where.
    I was so confused at the end where there was millions of gods and titans fighting in the clouds. So they teleported from the falling mountain (which I thought would kill them all)to the clouds ..... -_- I can't believe I pretended to like it because everyone I went with to see it thought it was the greatest movie of all time
    please-
    It is pretty "ballsy" of you to say its WORSE than twilight but I think I'll agree because it was one of the biggest disappointments ever. Any ways as always

    TWILIGHT SUCKS!!!!!!

    BTW Lani I absolutely LOVE you in TFS especially as Vegeta :3

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  46. She was in Adventureland. good movie except for...her...no joke she has the same face in this movie too...shes awful. she always looks like shes in pain i swear it makes anyone who watches her...depressed.

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  47. When you were talking about "you can't have sex, he'll kill you."

    I couldn't stop thinking about the Ardat-Yakshi
    from Mass Effect.....

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  48. I like the books >.> but your review was hilarious lol

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  49. didn't see twilight, ( i just couldn't bring myself to even try it out) but i did go see the immortals and i gotta say agree especially about the movie being full of convenient plot points, it really felt like the writers didn't really try to hard being clever in this one. Terrible ending and the movie just leaves you underwhelmed by it. One swing in its credit though is that it had a lot of visually striking scenes.

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  50. Here's a fun fact about Kristen Stewart. She was the little girl in Panic Room. She had LOTS of emotion in that movie. I think she was directed to do this, though one must ask if this perhaps killed her career? Or started it because of the fact she's in Snow White. Though we will see if she's going to be that same "Emotionless" robot.

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  51. I'm surprised you didn't mention anything about Jacob imprinting on the baby... or Bella's horrible baby names that both sound like something a lover of yuri/yaoi pairings came up with.

    But you had the exact same reaction as me to the entire thing- the wedding, the YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX talk, everything. It was like...every five minutes I'd be putting my face in my hand and sighing to myself because it was SO BAD, EVERYWHERE. Except for the dad. He was awesome.

    By the by, this is actually the first time I've commented on your blog. I normally just keep a lookout for YYHA material, but then I saw you had a post about Twilight so how could I resist? Needless to say, this had me laughing my ass off. I'll be sure to visit more often from now on.

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  52. Immortals seems like an even more modern 300. Only more stupid. And based off of Lani's review, I'm glad I didn't go see it.

    Fanservice for the young and stupid I guess.

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  53. I am an internet stranger

    God, Twilight inspires a lot of replies

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  54. I watch the first twilight movie to make fun of it and I felt a sort of shame after watching it. shame for its creators. it was the worst movie I've ever seen. Bella is bland and Edward is a self contradicting stalker

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  55. Haven't watched any of the Twilight movies, but I have heard they're pretty much crap. What else can you expect from a franchise just there to make money...Sigh.

    Anyway, good job sticking it out and not bursting into laughter at it's horribleness thereby making all of the rabid Edward fangirls in the theater attack you. Which is what I would have done.

    You and Taka should do a Vegeta/Nappa review of T:BD Part II together. XD

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  56. Here is why i Despise Twilight and will never respect it worth more than a gain of shit, is because it is completely MARY SUE. i dont understand how ANYONE with decent developed frontal lobe enjoys both these Books and Movies, and honestly those that do i will judge as an idiot. To any decently educated human being having common sense and intelligence should easily be able to spot the great lack of creativity and maturity this book has. There is nothing different or unique about Stephanie Meyers writing, its the same as all the rest of the 14 year old fangirls addicted to media that write on Fanfiction.net
    its astounding to see people defend it.
    To those that do i want to let you know that you're an idiot.
    To like these books you have to agree with the meaning, message and integrity of which the writer has left which is a Simple minded, Attention Seeking, Superficial, Self centered, Insecure, ignorant little girls who want to have sex.
    Twilight Fans disgust me just as much as Twilight itself. maybe even more so

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  57. You know what? I'm a dude, I'm straight, and I've read the books *gasp*. It actually started because i heard a girl talking in my class, this is before any of the movies come out. Anyway she was talking about how this vampire boy stopped a van with is bare hands and saved a girl.
    I am intrigued and ask the title of the book, she looks at me like a grew a third head *i chopped the second one off the week before, it was nagging me* Twilight. Turns out it is the same book series my older sister, who was at the time at the U of A for here second year of studies (she finished her courses a semester early and is currently working for AT&T ^_^). My sister had thrown me onto the Harry Potter series and the Inheritance Cycle so i knew she didn't have bad tastes.

    She was currently on the fourth book and gave me the first three when i asked. I finished reading them in three nights (bed is for pussies) and was still waiting for her to finish Book Four.

    I have read the books and find nothing wrong with them, but then that could be that i am reading just to read and not nitpick about every little thing. I like the movies as well, but that is just me. Books>movies.

    I am wondering how much hatred for this series stems from the actual series and how many people are just trying to fit in, or if this is just a cultural thing, like people hating Bieber. I don't like him either but i think that is more the culture than anything else.

    Lani, read the books, you will be happier with the events in the movies if you do

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  58. Lani, I have to honestly say Ive never laughed as hard as I did at any Movie review's like I did this one.

    Ive been following your work since Yu Yu, and I'm glad you dont let stupid people distract you from posting on here as well as doing the abridged series. Just knoe I am a grateful follower of your work and although I dont have the time to religiously follow you (mind you if I did I dont think I would anyway it seems kinda awkward lol), I do reference your lines frequently.

    PS.I knoe this is your movie review but ever considered doing a skyrim review? Or did you perhaps take an arrow to the knee?

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  59. I'm sorry Lani, but what in the hell did you expect from Twilight? Why would you go see a Twilight movie period? I will admit that I watched the first one. Up to the point that he started to sparkle and said that his was the body of a "murderer". And that's all she wrote for me. I heard about the rest of the story from my gay friend, and was glad that I didn't waste any more time on it.

    I liked some of the ideas, a clan/family of good vampires just trying to live out their lives and not be noticed. A human entering the fray and causing problems in said family. The family accepting her regardless of the problems. But destroying vampires and werewolves in the way they did was just unforgivable. Plus they're animorphs (or animagus if you're a Harry Potter geek), not werewolves. You want to see a werewolf? Check out William in Underworld Evolution, now that's a true werewolf.

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  60. http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmfhopHg8o1ql4nlpo1_400.jpg

    I'll just leave that here...

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  61. what is kind of ironic is when i was watching this, there was a twilight ad that was advertising for the breaking dawn DVD.i shouldn't buy it if it's that bland. Now i know and knowing is half the battle! G.I JOE!!

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  62. Jacob wants to use the WHALES!

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