Monday, September 14, 2009

Movies in Review: Gamer, Halloween 2, 9

Well I had wanted to do a V-log about these but hey when my computer gets hungry it's gotta eat and I guess it just happened to have developed a taste for video files -_-, all things considered sound files would have been much worse (i.e. no DBZ Abridged) but it's still kind of a pain in the ass since I can't really do anything right now except try to devise a way to edit away from my computer or get a new one.

But I digress, I caught a bunch of movies and wanted to give everyone my opinion on them and just really REALLY didn't want to have to type it out cause I'm the kind of lazy bastard that just likes to talk.

I saw way more movies than the one's I am reviewing here but like I said, I'm lazy and I'm sure you've heard how good Inglorious Basterds (FUCK YEAH!!!) and District 9 are if you haven't already seen them yet yourselves. Plus some of the movies I've seen just aren't in most theaters anymore so I feel giving my opinion on Ice Age 3(3D effects looked cool if you liked the other 2 you'll like this one really wasn't alot to it loved Simon Peg's character) The Orphan (Haahahahahahahahaha... so many logical problems with this movie I may actually go into it when it comes out on DVD if I remember to) GI Joe (Went in with absolutely no expectations came out having really enjoyed it if only for the nostalgia as it wasn't really a good film. Still much better than Transformers 2.) and why even bother wasting my time talking about The Perfect Getaway (which if you've forgoten it by now you aren't alone I went and saw it and didn't until this moment as I'm running through a list of movies in my head remember I saw it.) I know I just said I wasn't going to talk about them but I figured if I mention them I should give a quick one sentence synopsis of how I feel.

Now to the meat of the matter, here are my feelings on Gamer, Halloween 2, and 9

I love Crank and Crank 2 I'll get that out of the way right now. They were creative funny as hell and packed more action than most movies that I've seen in a long time from an American studio. For those who don't know Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor are the co-directors and co-writers of Crank Crank 2 and Gamer (as well as Pathology *worth a rental* which Erika showed me yesterday oddly enough), and for the most part you can see their flavor in this movie, it just seems a little watered down. That isn't to say there aren't alot of good things in here. I like Gerard Butler as an action hero, 300 and RocknRolla both kicked ass and proove Butler can pull off the Action star. Not that I didn't like him in P.S. I Love you, Ugly Truth or Phantom of the Opera but.. well there's a rule with movies, you have to ask 2 questions: Is Gerard Butler in it? and is he weilding a weapon? If the answers are Yes and No, it's a chick flick. And Micheal C Hall was an awesome villian in this. I really loved the guy in Dexter and hope he has a good career in Hollywood.
As for the movie itself, well it's pretty cookie cutter. The concept has been done before Convicts fight for their freedom the hero is wrongly accused *Cough* Death Race and Running Man among others *Cough*. I'm not aggainst exploring a genre like that, I'm only saying it's been done better and worse. Really that is the downfall of this movie it's medeocre, very middle of the road with only a few things setting it appart from anything else in the action genre. I have to say the only part of this movie I found myself truely truely enjoying was this scene in which Micheal C Hall has lured Gerard Butler back to his lair and commences this creepy marionet like song and dance number with these convicts that are being mind controlled, then mid song they all start fighting Butler and... well it was just an awesome scene and I wouldnt be shocked for a second if that scene was one of the first scenes thought up and any other part of the movie was just built around it. Overall I'd say check this one out at a discount theater or give it a rental when it comes out on DVD, it's worth a watch if you liked Crank but I don't think it's worth full price. Though it may be full price if you ever wanted to see Leonidas break the spine of Peter Petrelli (who in this movie is hillariously named Rick Rape)

Halloween 2

I've said it before I'm not a fan of Rob Zombie's movies but that is mainly because I'm not impressed with American horror movies anymore. They stop being scary when you are rooting for the killer I'm sorry, nobody goes to these kinds of "horror" movies to be scared they go to watch people die, hence: Saw, Friday the 13th, Final Destination etc. are NOT SCARY, you go to these movies to watch nameless faceless bags of meat get gutted, sliced, crushed, electrocuted, burned, drowned, or ground up. You aren't horrified if they die cause you don't care about them and why should you most of them are very stale characters to begin with. I swear the last good American horror movie I saw was Drag Me to Hell and that in itself wasn't entirely scary, but it was good.
Sorry about the tangent I could go on and on about horror movies and it won't change much anyway Halloween 2.
I'll give this to Rob Zombie Halloween 2 is much better than his Halloween 1 and I'm torn between saying that's because he learned a lesson or that it isn't a thing like the original Halloween 2 so I have nothing to bitch about it bastardizing (well maybe not nothing >.>).
I'll get some of the good things out of the way first. The deaths were for the most part grizzly Tyler Mane really looks like he's putting a lot of force into every stab stomp and throw, it just adds to the experience but it doesn't make the movie. I also really actually enjoyed the change to Dr. Loomis in this movie, granted I liked Donald Pleasence's more but I thought this development was interesting even if it lead to a last minute no sense change of heart. I liked the sort of assholish exploitationist he became because it did feel like it was a natural development from where he came from as a character (who looks great for having his skull crushed in the first movie, but that aside).
Like I said the movie didn't really have anything to do with the Halloween 2 of John Carpenter and that is both good and bad. Good because the original Halloween 2 was and still is one of my favorite slasher movies, and bad because this gives Rob Zombie free reign to do what ever he wants in the Halloween universe and... well that isn't for the best. Case in point, he gave Micheal Myers an inner monologue. It wasn't Tyler Mane talking but he still gave Micheal Myers an inner fucking monologue. You don't give someone who is supposed to be a soulless killing machine an inner monologue especially when its embodied by his childhood form, watching Micheal Myers walk around being followed by the spirit of his mother and a kid in a clown costume isn't creepy it's FUCKING RETARDED.
Also you don't show Micheal Myer's face. This may not be as bad as giving him an INNER MONOLOGUE(!!!!) but it still takes away from the fact that he is supposed to be a soulless faceless killing machine who eats dreams and shits out corpses. Essentially in this movie you aren't so much watching Micheal Myers killing people as you are a 7 foot tall Hobo (complete with burly beard and over coat) who's voices in his head are telling him he is Micheal Myers.
On that note why is it that so many stupid rednecks in the movie antagonize the 7 foot tall 300 lbs hobo? I mean I'm no coward but I know there are better things to do with my time that try to get in a fight with a 7 foot tall homeless man.
As for the movie itself it wasn't horrible, it wasn't great... it was just a very standard slasher movie. Nothing really special about it outside of the name Halloween if this were any other movie with any other masked killer with no name or franchise behind it this movie would have been long since forgotten by now. I did see this movie twice once the midnight it premierd when I was working and again with Erika and I have to say if you are set on seeing this movie see it with a friend because it is so much more enjoyable when you can Riff on it with someone. A few of the scenes had way too many jump cuts way too quickly like to the point that I couldn't even tell what was happening or who was being killed or how for that matter. It's like I said though, if not for the franchise and if not for the name Rob Zombie this movie would be very nondescript and easily forgotten, if you are a fan of Halloween and you haven't seen this one yet, well I'd reccomend a discount theater price or waiting for a rental but definitely see it with a friend or 2 if you are going to.


I have to say not since War have I seen a movie trailer where I just looked at it and said "YES" but then when the day came for me to see the movie I was severely let down. But where as War failed me because I was hyped for Jet Li and Jason Statham kicking some ass and ultimately fighting eachother and it just turned out so poorly put together, 9 hooked me with the trailer and just dissapointed me with it's utter medeocrity. The world was interesting, the plot was good (if PREDICTABO), the animation was well done, but what was missing? The Characters, I don't know what it was I couldn't find a way to care about any of them. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why I didn't care about them I mean the characters were a little bland yes but they had personalities. Maybe it was the fact that none of them had names and were only identified by number makes them even less human than they already are, cause the voice acting was fine. I don't know. It really just takes me out of a movie when I can't relate to or feel for any character it just makes a movie boring. If you have no sympathy for someone in the film when they lose a friend (let alone a bunch of em ZOMG SPOILERS) I tend to believe it's more a problem with the movie.
Not to mention it was such a dark movie, and I don't mean that because so many characters die, I mean that it is so dimly lit, if you go to see this movie in the mid afternoon on a sunny day, sit through the entire hour 20 mins of it then go right back outside you may go blind my retinas had a really hard time adjusting on the otherside if you go from outside on a bright sunny day to inside that theater mid movie you can't see the damn screen. I don't think there is a single day shot in that thing which is odd cause it looks like the film took place over the period of a little more or less than 2 days (epic I know).
If you only have enough time or money to see one film this fall don't bother with 9 just wait a while for it to hit TV I'm sure nothing will be edited from it and there are just so many better movies that are out and coming out..

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  1. awww i was really hoping 9 would be awesome.but your reasoning for not liking it seems to be kinda just didnt give a damn about the characters?

  2. it's hard to care like a movie when you don't feel any connection to it, it's not that the characters aren't likeable they just aren't relatable. And honestly I just don't think the movie is worth 10bucks to see with so many better movies out there.

  3. I haven't seen the ones you reviewed in this post yet but I have seen District 9. I thought it was pretty good! I enjoy movies that are able to move me in any emotional way. District 9 definitely left me with mixed feelings: mad, sad, anxious, hopeful, excited, etc. I was a little dissatisfied with the ending because I wanted to see the main character's conflict resolved. But the ending was very fitting. But yeah, I love movies that can pull me in and play with my emotions. I wish I had a Prawn friend :<

    I still need to see Inglorious Bastards!

  4. my whole idea of the characters which is in fact total bullshit is that it's 9 parts of the guys soul/personality and he took each one away in order of how much he needed it. like 1 he wanted to get rid of his dickhole pussyness. 2 he already had the invention he didnt need creativity 3 and 4 he didnt need to find things out he already knew what happend 5 he dosnt need to be a sidekick to anyone 6 he didnt need to question anything anymore 7 and 8 he wanted to be strong and brave till the end and 9 was hope and if he got rid of that first he would have just said fuck it and bailed. but that's probably just a bad excuse

  5. Ong Bak 2: Dude, where's my OTHER elephant?

    Heh, sorry.

    As for Halloween 2...why? I mean, why are they remaking all of these cheesy 70s/80s slasher flicks? They're cult classics as they are, but they aren't remotely relevant anymore, so Hollywood tries to MAKE them relevant, thus ruining any nostalgia or cheese they might have kept and ending up completely pointless.

    I'm sure money is the tipover factor, as with all things, but seriously. Michael Myers with a face and an inner monologue (!!!) and a non-Robert Englund Freddie Krueger....


    Oddly enough, the Jason remake wasn't too bad. Pointless, but not a bad fit for the series itself. Of course, he's never been my favorite, so I guess I just didn't care. Oi.